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It’s the question I am sure every new parent is asked (usually within 2 weeks of giving birth or bringing your child home). I’ve been  asked if i would adopt again loads of times and I don’t mind, I’m sure I asked all my friends who have had kids if they’d have another… I’m British and I’m nosy, i’m sure it’s just one of those things we do like banging on about the weather.

We’re almost two years into life as a family of three and I have been asking myself that exact question lately. Wanting to have a family wasn’t on the agenda for me during my early to mid-twenties. I feel as if something changed once I was nearing thirty and I knew it was what I wanted. So my husband and I went and got it. There was no messing about, we wanted our little boy, and we found him. Or maybe he found us…

But now that we’re fully established and loving life, stepping over the different milestones all the time onto the next big thing… I am sat here thinking ‘Could we do it again?’. And i’m not just thinking about having another baby or toddler… but i’m wondering could we actually go through the adoption process again?

We’ve talked about it of course. We felt so lucky with the adoption of our son. It was like it was all meant to be. Written in the stars. We went through the assessment, and it felt, dare I say it, pretty painless. We just opened ourselves up to having a baby, and he kind of just came. There were certainly the anxieties and constant waiting on emails and phone calls during the process but it felt manageable. Saying that, maybe it wasn’t as painless as i remember but just like how the female body releases the right hormones after birth to help new mums adjust and cope with what their body has just experienced, I have just blocked those memories out once my baby came along?

We have, what I consider, to be such a great set up with our son. He’s happy, he’s comfortable and we’ve both returned to work full/part time to fit around his nursery days and having days with him. The night-time routine is established and we cherish those hours that he sleeps so that we can get stuff done or just relax… to not be Daddy (to be honest I am always in daddy mode, but it’s nice to sit and chill for an hour or two. Just to breathe in the evening after a busy day). Are we selfish for enjoying this time out? If we were to have another baby, we’d be giving that time up for sure. Everything we do now for our son, double it if we were to have baby number two…

That definitely isn’t a reason not to have another, not at all! I think many of us would probably have loads of kids if finances and living space permitted it. Equally there are parents that are happy with one child. And I think i/we fall somewhere in-between those two groups.

I’d love to give my son a little brother or sister. But I also know that most siblings just fight all the bloody time, don’t get along and want what the other child has! The younger one will be the ‘annoying one’ wanting to follow the older one around everywhere (I know this because i was that annoying younger one). I feel it would change our lovely, little thing we’ve got going on. It can be difficult introducing a second child to mix, maybe not initially but as they grow a bit older it’s usually a nightmare at times handling two. Maybe I just need to see an example of loving siblings to prove me wrong?

I’m not oblivious to change though, I know my son is going to grow and face challenges like we all did/do. So it’s never going to be all plain sailing as I feel it is now, but my life is now dedicated to him and helping him through his life. Splitting that time and love between two or more children will just give me more grey hairs, surely? And a smaller bank balance, I know that much!

I’m summary… life would be a little more expensive, we’d need a bigger car and we’re already maxing out space in our three bedroom house as it is, without a second child. BUT… i love with being a dad, I would love to have another child and see my son enjoy having a new family member to play with/poke/beat up.

As you’ll see from reading this, I am still completely undecided. The adoption process can take a long time… if we started in a couple years would it be too much of a gap between the kids? Is that a bad thing? In five years I’ll be thirty-seven, will I want a baby then? There is a lot to consider.

You know what…? Maybe I’ll just sit down tonight, have a cup of tea, get back to my book and enjoy the quiet nights while my only child sleeps… for however long that is going to last.

 

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Hi I'm Tom. I'm a dad. An adoptive dad. A gay dad. Not your 'normal' dad perhaps? My husband and I are 18 months in to life life with our 2.5 yr old. The days of city breaks and long weekends eating out are long gone, but replaced with the great outdoors and running around after our little boy and splashing in muddy puddles. I wouldn't change it for the world. You can follow my blog at www.theunlikelydad.com or find me on Facebook @unlikelydad

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